The street heats the urgency of now

this is not relevant to anything

2009-12-01T06:45:33Z

For the longest time, I've been telling everyone who asks that Debussy is my favorite composer, but I think Saint-Saens is about to close in on him, which is weird right? Didn't Saint-Saens not like Debussy?

Well, I like them both. They are my favorite composers :3

music music music

2009-11-07T06:37:46Z

When I hear classical music, particularly Classical music like Mozart and Beethoven, I feel really calm and balanced inside. It's a good feeling. I've been listening to a lot of classical music lately. Chopin's Nocturnes are also really good. Anything Debussy is amazing.

I don't know. When I go back to listening contemporary stuff, it sounds really jarring and the words kind of annoy me. It just feels good to be awash and moved along by music. Yeah...I don't really know a lot about classical music, but it's lovely stuff. It makes me happy, which is kind of a rare thing these days, so yeah. Good.

For your listening pleasure: Schumann's "The Prophet Bird" played by Sergio Florentino

Recommend me something too, if anyone's reading this. I am particularly enamored with Saint-Saens right now and just Romantic music in general. And Impressionist music. I am always game for Impressionist music.

homebase

2009-10-18T03:41:12Z

I regret coming home for the weekend. I know. I love my mom and dad, but I can't imagine living with them anymore. Is that bad? I eat really shitty food at school--I'm living on soup--but I don't know, I'm happier away from home? I mean seriously, within like 24 hours of setting foot inside my house, an argument ensued in which no meaningful conversation took place, but I attribute that to the fact that my voice is shot and I can barely speak. So I was just a big sniffly, leaking mess.

Maybe I just got used to living with my friends and always having someone to talk to. Maybe there's a lot of unresolved issues in this dear old family. Maybe it's the time of the season for my depression to start kicking in. I think it's more of the friends thing. Is it weird to say that I have no friends at home? I don't think that's right at all.

During the summer, I didn't really hang out with my SD friends at all so I kind of forgot how fucking amazing they are. I don't know. I just don't want to be home. I mean in all honesty, I get tired of SD too. It's pretty boring. I just like being in different places? Shoot how typical am I? How many times have I written posts that are pretty much exactly this.

As for my classes, I'm ok I guess. My schedule is pretty hectic. I basically have classes from around 11am to 7-9pm everyday or so. Hahaha. The classes are interesting though. Except for lab. Lab is making me miserable. For those who do not understand the lab situation at ucsd, we do not take a lab as part of a class, the lab is a class. It has a lecture. The lab has a lecture. And yeah, this particular lab is only worth 3 units, but some are worth about 4 or 5, which is as much and sometimes more than most regular classes.

Ah, but I complain too much.

The Controversial Survey

2009-10-08T06:32:13Z

1) Do you have the guts to answer these questions?
They're just questions.

2) Would you do meth if it was legalized?
No. It destroys people, but more power to those who would do it

3) Abortion: for or against it?
I am pro-choice. But regardless of my personal opinion, the government shouldn't have the power to dictate what we do with our bodies, personal choices etc.

4) Do you think the world would fail with a female president?
Female president of the US? Because there are female leaders in other countries and well, the world isn't failing. I mean, it could be doing better, but it's not failing.

5) Do you believe in the death penalty?
Yes I do. I'm sorry, but this is just one of those things. I know that no one should arbitrarily be able to murder someone else, but some people don't deserve to live.

6) Do you think marijuana should be legalized already?
I don't smoke, but I support efforts to get it legalized. It would weaken the influence of certain drug cartels in my opinion.

7) Are you for or against premarital sex?
Do it when you feel it's right.

8) Do you believe in God?
I believe in a God, not necessarily the Christian God, but I believe something greater exists.

9) Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?
Again, I do not think it is the place of the government to legalize or prohibit personal choices. Marriage is a religious institution, the church decides whether people of the same sex can get married. The government issues the civil unions, which should absolutely be legalized for same sex couples.

10) Do you think it’s wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA?
I don't know if it's necessarily "wrong." I don't know if it's "right." There's no definite way to resolve this issue--no wall, no border or anything will keep them out if they want in. Do I think it's fair they're here? Well, I can't say. I don't know enough about this issue, honestly.

11) A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep it?
I doubt she should. But it is her (and her parents' decision).

12) Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?
I don't know. Should there even really be an alcohol age? Do we feel more angry when an 18 year old does cocaine than when a 21 year old does it? Drugs are funny things.

13) Should the war in Iraq be called off?
It should never have been started. We've created a mess, it isn't going to get resolved anytime soon. I don't think we'll look "soft" by puling out [insert penis joke], we should have called bullshit on this forever ago.

14) Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?
Again, personal choice. Yes I agree it is currently illegal. Do I think it should be legalized? I think we should be allowed a choice.

15) Do you believe in spanking your children?
I believe in saving myself a whole lot of trouble and not having children

16) Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
Of course. It's a legitimate protest symbol, and last I checked, burning the flag never hurt anyone.

17) Who do you think would make a better president?
It doesn't matter. Obama's the president and we all have to live with it regardless of whether we like him or not.

18) Do you think Obama will be killed?
He will be killed by death as all humans are. But assassinated? It's a real possibility.

19) Should child predators be forced to wear signs identifying themselves?
No. There should be a public directory of these kinds of people available certainly, but a sign? That's idiotic, how would you even enforce this?

20) Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
It's my opinion. Judge away.

a sad day in my life

2009-10-06T04:22:56Z

"Gee, maybe I should take a break from studying for my chem lab to do my ochem homework."

OTZ.

absolutely poetic

2009-09-28T06:42:19Z

This is the kind of night where I'd like to light up and suck in sweet smelling smoke as the crackle and orange glow of a cigarette comforts me and makes the nerves go away. It's the kind of night where I'm supposed to see a million stars and feel small and cold, but reassured knowing everyone else is as insignificant as me.

But no.

I am lit by cruddy fluorescent lights in my dingy apartment on our ugly, smelly sofa. My roommate is sleeping, the garbage trucks are making loud noises, and the loud drunk laughter of college kids floats up through the open window. I haven't eaten real food in days and all I can think about is poisoning my lungs and starwatching.

Yeah, I sure do have my priorities straight.

glitterboogies @ 2009-09-16T11:52:00

2009-09-16T19:12:21Z

It's not the world, it's not the government, it's not my friends. It's me. I'm the one who sucks.

self imposed isolation

2009-09-13T01:30:41Z

So after too many arguments over text/IM, I decided to not text or IM or facebook or tumble today. Maybe out of convenience I forgot to add LJ to the list. Not enough people read this to qualify it as part of the social networking blackout anyway.

It seems like every time I get it in me to write a blag post I end up writing something I shouldn't or getting really depressed. BUT I've been trying really hard not to be a downer all the time. I find it helps to kind of take things slowly and not be afraid to be interested by very trivial things. Ever since a dear friend of mine became the guy who got depression, I've been taking steps to avoid being sent to where he is. I'm naturally skeptical of therapy and psychotic drugs.

Ok, this is getting depressing. I miss the boy. Ah, I haven't known him very long, but he somehow means a lot to me--he has taught me a great many things. I feel guilty about it, he took me to a lot of places and well past midnight too. Don't romanticize this. I deemed him my male counterpart even though I met him this summer. I can't remember half the things we did driving around on empty streets, half-asleep. I am afraid the more I give away, the less real he becomes. I must end here.

Between all the well-meaning, but obnoxious pep talks coming from so-and-so and my mom's relentless belief that everything will work out all right in the end, it's dangerous to be sad. See, now I'm writing about things I really shouldn't be. Call this the end of summer recap then. I'm glad that a summer of boredom, shitty jobs, and isolation is ending. I will be sorry to see the adventures, sneaking out, and relaxation end. I really like sneaking out. It makes me very happy. I think that might be a bad thing.

PS: I removed the layout I had in place. Rad!
PPS: Next summer, I hope to see more of this grand world. I have developed a love for long drives and greasy diner food at 2am so hopefully I'll get some traveling done, whether alone or together.

I don't really know where else to put this

2009-09-06T06:12:11Z

AYE DO ANY OF YOU GUYS WANT TO GO TO DISNEYLAND WITH ME ON MY BIRTHDAY (Nov 21) D:

It's on a Saturday :)

The plan was to not come home until Thanksgiving, but free Disneyland makes that plan null. NULL I SAY! I don't think anyone on LJ can though...I'm not sure if anyone I know irl actually still reads this. Maybe I should post this on facebook?

Andrew and I are going so far. The day begins at 7am and ends around midnight. WE ARE GOING HARDCORE YO. Ahh...I know Disney is evil and all that, but damned if I don't get excited about Disneyland even if it is 2.5 months away.

WOOHOO!

being at home

2009-08-24T00:36:03Z

Only one more month of it. I know I'll be homesick as soon as I set foot on campus, but I'm well...homesick now too. I'm sick of being at home. My girl is addicted to WoW so I can't convince her to adventure with me. Uhahahah.

I don't know what it is about being at home that transforms me into a disgustingly lazy pile of bones. I'm already planning to fill my next summer up with anything and everything so I don't have to spend weeks at home lying around wondering if I should put on pants and actually breathe in fresh air/get some sun. I will probably be taking summer classes and try to make enough arrangements with enough people to hang out and explore this glorious nation. Of course, these plans (minus the summer classes) will probably fall through.

Is this where I make plans for the coming school year? My plans never go through. I hope that my GPA won't be completely destroyed and that I have enough time to give that whole social life thing a try. I also hope to not be depressed for a whole quarter again. I finally unearthed the records of my great strife. Boy was I a total downer. Apologies to my roommates and friends. I'm amazed I didn't complain on this LJ that much. Every day was the day I'd supposedly run to CAPS...until I found out all they do is write you a referral. Anyway, that's a story for another day. Maybe tomorrow because I'm so fucking bored.

You know, I swear I'm not this depressing in real life. I do think about morbid stuff though. If I'm looking down from a high place, for example, I feel a strange urge to jump and gauge if I'd actually die/would it be painful/how long would I feel like I'm flying. So if I suddenly stop talking to you and start staring off into the distance, I'm probably thinking about what it's like to die there or it could be that the urge to poo has suddenly gripped my intestines. Either one.

Ok, you know what, my thoughts have totally meandered. I was originally going to write about how S called me to insult and lecture me for being unmotivated and boring and single.

east coast west coast

2009-08-14T21:08:53Z

I've been in Virginia for the last uh...10 days? Keeping up with all my internet stuff is insane. I had to go back 1000 entries on the flist.

It makes me wonder if it might be better to just quit all my internet gangsterism and travel all over the country discovering shit like giant balls of twine. Come on, come on, come along with me.

Ok, serious post about the trip later dudes.

some people have real problems

2009-07-23T17:27:19Z

I am suddenly involved with people who do or have done cocaine and other hard drugs.

They scare me and make me really grateful that I'm not like them.

This is why I will never get drunk or do drugs. You see people on a coke binge and they're strung out and trying to fuck everything that moves and you don't want to be in that place. A girl tells you that she got drunk and took 43095843095834 pills, slept for two days straight and proceeded to puke everything out, and you DON'T want to be in that place.

Jesus Christ, they scare me. How can anyone willingly do this to themselves?

Today was a good day

2009-07-12T06:12:39Z

Weekends are just so, so good sometimes. The past week has been terrible because of a lot of bullshit and I don't know, today was just good.

It was sunny and I smiled and I played with my cat and I had really meaningful conversations with people and yeah. It was just good.

I don't know. Everytime I talk with this one person, I freaking brighten the hell up. We all have a person like this, right?

I also had lemonade and finished a novel. Awesome.

THIS IS HOW SUMMER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE. Full of relaxing and lemonade and smiling. It just makes work that much worse.

:D

2009-07-08T18:24:30Z

FUCK YES IT IS TIME FOR SOME VLADIMIR PUTIN.

BEING SAD AIN'T GONNA FLY WHEN THIS GUY IS AROUND.

AW DANGIT

2009-07-07T21:15:36Z

All I want to do is cry and sleep. Cry and sleep. CRY AND SLEEP.

The problem is I'm at work. OH GOD I AM NO GOOD AT INTERACTING WITH PEOPLE IN THIS STATE OF MIND. Or chemicals for that matter.

My hand keeps shaking when I pipette and I keep spilling things. AAHHH SORRY! SORRY! And my voice is all gross and low because I feel so groggy so I sound really apathetic and bitchy.

This is so pathetic, why am I complaining on the internet. I'm going to go back to reading articles about Barack Obama's talk with Vladimir Putin.

In case you were wondering, labs workers have a looottt of free time.

Adventure Time

2009-06-06T09:48:53Z

So I left at around 1am to go to Downtown SD with Beans and Hobag. They were both SICK SICK SICK. BOOOOO. And beany baby was driving so badly.

We ended up eating at Fudd Rucker's and doing really dumb things. And then we looked for soap but everything was closed because it was fucking 2am.

Then we went back to campus.

I realize that I am very boring. Thank you.

we figured it out (she figured it out)

2009-05-30T19:44:54Z

It's going to be all right.

california, please

2009-05-26T20:36:15Z

As I was walking back from Music today, I saw a pro-life rally on Library Walk. They had a huge fucking wall of pictures of dead babies. I wanted to seriously just punch someone when I saw that. WOW. Scare tactics, ucsd? REALLY?

And then I get back to my room and find out that the California Supreme Court has ruled to uphold Prop 8. Oh progress, was that you knocking? Yeah, I'd love to let you in, but uhm no California wants you to gtfo.

GOD. I'm SO tired of all these bitchass punk fundies getting in the way of civil rights. It's going to happen, why are you so bent on delaying it?

girl talk<3

2009-05-16T07:54:50Z

let's go clubbing let's go clubbing let's go clubbing

Dancing is thee most fun. Not even kidding. I was grinded on by some ladies, groped by some dudes and pushed and shoved all over the place. And I didn't care because it was fun.

it turns out I'm down with drunk/high people when they're dancing.

mini bottles of vodka exist, you guys. they are cute and wonderful.

ps: I was a sober sally!

sorry for the bipolar entries lately.

the life

2009-05-14T09:21:06Z

I'm okay.

I'm almost done with this term. Just 4 more weeks.

I have no plans for this summer. Hit me up if you want to do something.

I feel so dumb and played out right now.

But that's okay, because I'm ALMOST DONE with this term.

Good night, livejournal. Sleep well.

My life is so boring oh my gosh.

aw yeah

2009-03-29T04:45:56Z

shit yeah, I had a dream I met Vladimir Putin! My dreamlife is awesome.

♥__♥

hawaii aloha

2009-03-27T21:52:03Z

I went to Hawaii during Spring Break and I guess I'm back now raff out roud. I got back at like 5am today so if nothing in this entry makes sense, that makes sense.

Monday, we arrived in Honolulu and proceeded to check in at our hotel in Waikiki. We swam all four days that we were there btw. GODDAM THE OCEAN IS SALTY AND SO CLEAN AND WARM AND ♥

But I cut myself like 39405803845 times on rocks yo.

We went to some Polynesian cultural thing on Tuesday and it was ok. BUt there were these annoying Asian girls (uh...I really hate them I guess). They were so effing LA it was sickening.

And then on Wednesday we went to Pearl Harbor. There were many Australians there. Hrm. Also toured Oahu some.

Thursday we went to Hanauma Bay and many injuries were inflicted by the coral reefs :|

Anyhow, Hawaii is so nice and relaxing and warm and beautiful. It looks like Okinawa. Don't ask how I know that. It just looks more like an extension of Japan than the US.

There's a lot more to say, I think, but I'm tired and you just kind of have to be there to understand.

On the plane ride back, we sat behind this family with babies. They smelled bad and were loud. The sleep was paltry and unfulfilling. C-

The first thing I did when I got back (after the big sleep) was download Epik High's Map the Soul. Hey, we finally get to hear Pihaemangsang pt 2. I can't believe I knew how to spell that without looking.

Oh shit, my grades are HAHAHA. Terrible.

so weird

2009-03-19T21:11:13Z

OH GOD I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS VLADIMIR PUTIN IS HOT RIGHT

I have a final in 25 hours and I'm reading news articles about Putin. ASLKJSKLJDS. WHAT HELLLLLLL.

so epic

2009-03-09T22:36:47Z

Ok, I had the most epic dream ever. I feel like it lasted the whole night and it was so real, waking up felt like a dream.

It started with a museum robbery? I was emptying the donation box, which somehow contained $2 and even $1000 bills, and I wrote them a receipt? I was counting up all the money and it somehow totalled $385,000,000 (it was 385 and a lot of zeros). I even made a smiley face. I knew some guy was waiting for me in the getaway car outside, I turned the receipt paper over and it said that if he was somehow not there, some girl would come and get me...

So I go outside, sirens are blaring, and he's not there. I can see the police cars when this girl pulls over and I get in. Her engine isn't starting, but then she shuts it off, then turns it back on, and we are flying. We get to the street near my house and I see like...a horse drawn vehicle and somehow I start driving and I follow it on to the big hill before my street. I park the car and follow on foot, but they go too fast. So I get back in the car and start fussing with something in the back seat when a bunch of police cars just pour into the street.

I realize I'm wearing a pink jacket and am probably recognizable and start taking it off when I realize a police person notices me. I get back into the driver's seat and drive toward the freeway as fasssttt as I can with all those cop cars behind me. Inexplicably there are not only buses, but cable cars to avoid (????). I get on the freeway, which is PACKED.

I start texting something and it somehow becomes "you have to merge left then merge right on the (???) freeway going towards SF". So I merge into this group of fratboys and am in just like rush hour traffic, the police are gaining on me. I'm in the lane next to the Carpool lane and I see this guy, who I somehow know is the person who was supposed to be my getaway ride. I get in that lane and he slides into the driver's seat (SYMBOLISM MUCH) and we head to...the airport? On the way, the guy (Ryan? or Henry?) asks a woman in a convertible to roll up her window (even though her roof is down) so it hides us. It somehow works. While she's driving, she's reading on how to get a DDS.

As we board the plane (for San Francisco, I guess) the police follow us on, but because of seating constraints they can't get us. It's weird. ANyway, somehow, people are getting off so we move on ahead to like first class or something. My math professor suddenly sits near me and he looks at me and is like "are you in my class?" and I say yes and ask why he isn't teaching today. He says "Oh, I'm on vacation!" And he does his funny smile. OH MY GOD HE IS SO HAHAHAHAHAH. Anyway, he then looks over at this guy who looks like him and does a double take.

When we land, somehow there is a door seperating us so we board from like the front. We run through the airport where my dad is waiting to pick me up and he says we should go eat. Of course, I'm still fearful of the police, but Henry or Ryan or something tells me to just go. So we walk up the block to this Chinese place. And some girl is like THESE NOODLES MELT IN YOUR MOUTH.

And I wake up.

Watchmen :D

2009-03-07T08:09:49Z

Overall, it was pretty good. I noticed they left some pretty important (and not so important) things out, but I guess they were pretty pressed for time. It was about 3 hours and anymore would be murder for people who have small bladders but cannot miss the movie (I am talking about me). I want to see The Tale of the Black Freighter on DVD.

But oh lord, after the movie, as I was racing to the bathroom, I hear these stupid asian whores (hai uc system) talk about how it was BORING EXCEPT FOR THE FIGHT SCENES and how they kept falling asleep. Godam, I wanted to punch them in the face and go "THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN BOTHER SEEING IT. FSLDSDKLJDSSD" All my nerd rage reached max levels.

But lol at sex scene set to "Hallelujah". And blue dongs. And the violence. So much blood, I kept laughing when it was spilling everywhere. And the guts on the ceiling HAHAHAHAH.

Ok. I really hate those girls. Everyone knows them, the girls with straight, shiny hair and fucking huge boots which they tuck their jeans into even though it's not even 55. GOD I SEE SO MANY OF THEM.